Wealth Shift: The Decline of Ethics in America
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Gen X and Y Era Work Contract (After Mid-1990’s)

I, (fill in your name), agree to work for an as-yet to be determined amount of time for (fill in Company name). My first day on the job I will glance briefly at the Company’s hundred-plus-pages Policies and Procedures Manual, but, after that, I plan on using it as a door stop. Just so we are on the same page, you should know that I intend to put in my hours if and when it doesn’t interfere too much with my personal life, it being understood right up front that my personal life comes first. I expect to take at least four weeks of vacation, sick, and mental health days (which I will take whenever I feel like it, regardless of the amount of work I have on my plate or how much it might inconvenience my co-workers). I also expect the Company to maintain an environment that is conducive to me conducting my personal life at work, including but not limited to, full internet and e-mail access, local and long-distance telephone service, and supervisors who are willing to overlook the fact that I will often need to come in late, leave early, and take two-hour lunches for a variety of personal reasons. I expect the Company to stock sufficient high-quality equipment and supplies to meet my personal needs (which, by definition, shall be deemed to include occasionally selling such items on E-bay whenever I run short of funds). The following is a list of the equipment and supplies I require: (fill in the blank listing equipment, office, food, bath, linen, medical, etc supply preferences). During my time at the Company, I will make every effort to socialize with my co-workers as often as possible so that the Company will be a fun place to work. Please take note of the following: While socializing with my co-workers, should anyone behave in a way that I find in my own sole judgment to be inappropriate or offensive, I shall immediately hire an attorney and initiate a lawsuit against the Company, which hopefully will result in a settlement large enough to make sure that I never have to work again. In exchange for me showing up and doing just enough work not to get fired, the Company makes no long-term promises to me whatsoever. I understand from listening to the complaints of my future co-workers that the Company’s only real concern is “maximizing management and shareholder wealth”, and that the Company long-ago divested itself of its pension plan, doesn’t have a decent health plan, and couldn’t care less what happens to its employees once they can no longer do their jobs. Accordingly, I have no intention whatsoever of being here long enough to vest in the Company’s 401(k) (especially since the Company has recently stopped making matching contributions as part of their cost cutting efforts in order to get through the economic crisis). I understand that upper management, themselves, are all a bunch of greedy bastards who have somehow been able to arrange sweet deals for themselves including, but not limited to, large annual salaries, massive stock options, private jets, golf club memberships, corporate “facilities” in exotic locations, limousines and drivers, personal security, tax offset payments, and golden parachutes which they will inevitably use to bail out of the company when it fails to perform up to Wall Street’s unrealistic expectations.

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